After re-reading Susan Jeffers’ ‘Feel the Fear and do it anyway’ I came by a quote or affirmation that read:
“Not only will I experience fear when on unknown territory,
but so will everyone else”
This got me thinking about how we’re all the same, and how we all experience fear when we try new things. We all feel some degree of anxiety or stress when in changing situations, or just by simply experiencing the triggers that cause our stress or anxiety on a daily basis.
I suppose in understanding this, we can see more clearly how when a person is possibly being a bit offhand, that it isn’t because of anything you’ve done (or not usually anyway!). It’s more likely how they are experiencing life at that given moment.
We’re all human and it’s really easy to react to what seems like an attack on you and your person but what tends to happen if we do this, is we join them in their ‘not so good mood’. This only ever results in us feeling angry or annoyed, or off in some way.
Now, what I’m going to suggest here isn’t particularly easy to do in the initial stages of trying it, but what it results in, if you can develop a habit of doing so, is much more peace of mind.
Let’s face it, we have enough on our plates trying to keep ourselves from driving us insane without letting somebody else do it for us!
It will seem alien at first when someone is rude, or possibly a little insulting, not to respond in a similar way or become defensive about things. It will also feel like you’ve lost something by allowing them to do or say whatever they’ve said or done, but you haven’t. The only time you lose something is when you react, and you lose your peace of mind.
For whatever reason, they’ve already lost theirs and that’s cool. Just don’t enter the fray and lose yours too.
This sounds cliché, but there is never a winner when you argue or fight: only 2 losers. Think about it, no matter how much you think you’ve won an argument, you’ve participated, and does that ever make you feel good? And please be honest with yourself when you answer this.
We’re all in this together – life that is. We all have our own issues and problems, and whether they are on-going or transitory, they cause fluctuations in our sense of well-being, and this affects our mood, and then our actions (if we let it).
So next time someone seems off or rude, try to maintain your state of calm first and foremost, and if you do need to respond, make it a calm one and see how you feel.
I once read something by a Buddhist monk that said:
“If we all swapped our problems with the next person, we would all just end up with very similar concerns to what we had in the first place.”
Basically, we all have minds, and we’re all struggling with something. Remember this next time you go to react…